Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
