so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
