Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
