If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
