The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
