Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
