Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
