Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
