They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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