Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
