I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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