everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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