i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
