Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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