She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
