Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
