Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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