wrigley field is MILF paradise
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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