Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
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How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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