Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
