margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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