after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
