I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
