Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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