She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
