when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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