hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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