I wanna bring you to show and tell
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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