He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
