i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
