I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
