Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
