Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
