I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
