this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize