I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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