she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's always time for handjobs
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
