Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
