how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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