allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
