I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
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Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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