K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
