i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
