I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
