the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
