wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I intend to get homeless drunk
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
