No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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