I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize