Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
