Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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