To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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