I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
