For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
