I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
