We won't sleep together?
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
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Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
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