I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Me too!
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
