I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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