i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
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When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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