Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he shaved USA in his pubs
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
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if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
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there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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