No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
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