Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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