I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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