Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
