Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
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