some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
