she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
