I can text with my tongue
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize