she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
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And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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