I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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