Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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