I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
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im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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