Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
