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He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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