How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
