you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
it glows. i had to have it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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