your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
