Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
