Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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