It's Friday. Sex?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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