There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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