dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm both gender and math confused
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