Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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