He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
