So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
